I, am a Namekian
by TheRammbler
Summary: Two friends talk about the most uncomfortable topic ever. Rated M just in case. Just don't read it if you're under 14 or something. It's a bit vulgar. Well, I used the proper words, but still...NOT A SLASH. Sorry...Not that I do them...


**AN: Just something I thought up. I was trying to come up with a conception plot since I was trying to think of how Goten may come to be. Kinda got carried away and this is the result. Hope you enjoy. And yes, Gohan studies everything in the world. He is le genius. R&R's are appreciated. Constructive if any criticism please, don't just flame.**

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I tried to ignore him as he came closer and closer, calling out my name.

"Piccolo...PICCOLO...PICCOLO!" he was right beside me now. I concentrated on ignoring him but he could tell right away. I felt him shift slightly in the air beside me. I heard him breathing slowly and our breaths died away against the nearby waterfall. I gave up.

I opened my eyes and turned to him. He was sitting cross-legged and staring at me in anticipation.

"What is it, Gohan?"

"I was wondering if we could do some training. The Cell Games are in a couple of weeks."

"Where's your father?"

He hesitated before he spoke, "At home."

"Shouldn't he be training as well?" my brow furrowed ever so slightly.

"Um...he's busy. He's with my mother right now."

"Shouldn't you be there with them? It's unfortunate to say so, but you may not have a chance to be with them later."

"I just...I don't think they'd want me to be there right now..." Gohan stuttered.

That got me a little worried. Goku and Chi Chi didn't want Gohan to be home? That must be some form of amusement. It couldn't be. Had they been in a fight?

"Gohan," I said sternly, "why wouldn't they want you home?"

"Well...I think I might be getting a little sibling, if that answers you question..." Gohan was blushing. Why was he blushing?

"And?" I say, confused.

"Um...like, reproduction? Do you know what that is?"

"Yes. I do. You spit out an egg and from it comes a child, correct?"

Gohan stared at me with a blank face and then blinked for a very long time.

"Right. Namekian. Not the same species...Well, human reproduction is a LOT different. I mean, first off we have females."

"Right. Like your mother. But this isn't explaining anything. Why wouldn't they want you around?"

"Well...the act of human reproduction is a slightly...private matter. I mean, they just wouldn't want me around with them doing something so...indecent."

"Indecent how?" I wondered what type of 'indecency' Son Goku would ever be able to get up to and came up with nothing.

"Don't you know anything about the human reproductive system, Piccolo?"

"No. Why do you know? Aren't humans supposed to have children a little bit...well, later?"

"Well, mum has me study EVERYTHING. From math to art to physical education and health. So I already know about it...even though it's gross."

"Then explain to me what they do; why wouldn't _your mother_ want you home?" Why would that insane wife of Goku's do anything she wouldn't want Gohan to be seeing?

"Well...Are you sure you wanna know, Piccolo? It's pretty weird."

"Just spit it out, Gohan." I might as well know- according to Future Trunks, Vegeta would be doing something similar to Bulma...or already has.

"Well...where do I start? Um...guys have something called a penis. Remember that thing you thought was a second tail back when you first started to train me? Well, men need that to have children."

"No wonder you were so against having it cut off like your other tail."

"But, don't you have one Piccolo? How do you urinate?"

"I don't." I reply.

"Oh, anyways, yeah, well it's important in the reproduction process."

"Wait. So men shoot a kid out of their pen-" I began, horrified.

"NO." Gohan replied, refusing to let me finish my question. "They shoot this liquid thing called sperm into a woman."

"Does it kill them or something?" This was terrifying, what was Gohan saying? And having learned such things at such a young age...

"No. It just goes into the lady's egg."

"An egg?" I say, interested. _So there IS an egg..._

"Well, yeah, it's tiny. But it gets there since ladies are built to have kids after a certain age. Then every month out comes an egg from somewhere in them, I'm not sure where though. Like a thing beside the womb, according to the diagram.

"What's a womb?" It sounded funny to even say.

"Um...it's this space where the kid grows just below the stomach."

"The baby is inside the woman?! How the hell does that happen?!" Does the woman have to eat the child or what? Humans are truly an alien species from my own.

"No. When the egg come out, the guy is supposed put sperm inside. The one of the millions of sperm go into the egg and over 9 months grows into a baby.

"Will an egg keep coming after that? I mean, couldn't you just have multiple children at once and get it over with?"

"Well, the eggs don't keep coming when there's a baby inside. But there are instances that the egg can turn into two or more people. Like twins, triplets and stuff like that."

"I see. So the eggs only come when it's time to take in sperm."

"Well, actually every month. Even without the sperm." Gohan spat, "Sorry, it's a dirty word and I keep saying, I can't believe I'm talking about this stuff...yuck."

"So does the egg just wither away or does it become a half human without the stuff?" I imagined a mutated child with half a child, it made me want to vomit.

"Oh no, it withers...and comes out of the place where you would put your penis...but...with blood and stuff."

"UGH!" I shake my head, disgusted. "That's horrible. Isn't that painful?"

"I don't know, I'm not a girl..."

"I see...so 9 months later a baby?"

"Yep." he smiled. I guess he was excited for his possible playmate.

"So...how does it come out?" I question the expert; now genuinely curious.

"Oh, the lady has to push them through their special hole."

"Special hole?"

"The hole the guy put himself in at the beginning. It's about this big." Gohan signaled the size of one 10-zeni coin. [AN: Like a quarter, I guess?] It was tiny.

"That must be painful as hell..." I mutter.

"Yeah, it's a surprise women go through all of it to have a kid."

"I meant for the baby. How would you like to be squeezed through a hole that big."

"Well, now that you mention it, as far as I know babies DO usually come out crying."

"Hmm."

"Um, Piccolo?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we pretend we never talked about any of this?"

"Hmm." I nod. I was horrified. Humans were monsters. How could they do something like that just to reproduce? It sounded to messy and annoying and...extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't believe Goku wanted to make Chi Chi go through that. What is wrong with him?

"Hey, Piccolo?"

"Hmm?"

"Mind if we train now?"

I nod. "Hmm." I was afraid I'd never be able to look at Goku, Chi Chi, Bulma or Vegeta the same ever again. Nor any human with a child. I flew to the ground, Gohan behind me, and thanked the universe quietly. Thank you, King Kai, for making me a Namekian.

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**Yeah. Written in one sitting. Random. Short. Pointless. But still cracked me up in my head...probably not as good though...R&R? ^_^ **

**Ciao! - The Rambler.**


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